It’s my 300th blog post! What the even heck! I’m writing this literally in awe at how crazy that sounds. Since this is a biggern… I thought I’d babble on about something a little personal and something that has a big impact on my life especially in the past, and hopefully help even just one person who’s reading this…
Self Confidence. Touchy subject to some? Well self confidence is something that hasn’t been easy for me. I’ll be the first to admit I’m an over-thinker, especially when it comes to ‘me’ and what people think about me. It’s weird, I couldn’t give two hoots about what someone actually does think of me, but as much as we all like to think and believe that, nasty comments always get to us one way or another. A big, personal goal of mine is to work on my self confidence over 2016 and start to love myself more the way I am instead of trying to change myself for the sake of others.
I guess it all goes back to school and the whole ‘playground’ scenario. There was always one person in school that you hated, because they were seriously good looking, rich, had ‘the perfect family’, ‘the perfect boyfriend/girlfriend’, the hair… you name it! And when you see people like this you start to really doubt yourself as if there is something you’re doing wrong, and when you’re 14 year’s old it does seem like the world is against you.
For me it was alllllllll about body image. I hated my hair, head, skin, stomach, chest, legs, bum… (even sexuality)…. you name it! And still to this day some of those things still bother me but I’m finally accepting that I am what I am and I can’t change that. I remember looking at certain people thinking why can’t I have a six pack like yours, or why can’t I have the perfect quiff! I spent ages trying to match up to those people but the more I tried the more upset I got, and my childhood self really suffered at not feeling good enough! But like I said, I started to understand that how I looked was because it was me, and all of that made me. I feel like that’s the first stage of getting over any self confidence issue, learning to accept you are who you are. I know it’s one of those easier said than done statements, but it’s much easier to get over, change or improve what you’re self conscious about once you’ve done this. Going back to school, I hated almost everything, and when one friend or classmate makes 1 harmless comment, it’s as if an army of haters is against you. To be honest, school I enjoyed, and I had an amazing bunch of friends that had my back whenever bullies (or as I liked to call them, DICKHEADS) came along, so for me it wasn’t a struggle, but relationships were my fall back.
I think it’s semi-normal to feel self conscious in relationships. You obviously want to impress the other person and not let them see the flaws you have (or at least you think you have). But for me, being a complete over thinker, flaws bombarded my head, and it took a while to accept that people were liking me for me and they saw no flaws. I think that’s probably one of the hardest things to get over when it comes to relationships, when someone tells you you’re ‘beautiful’, ‘handsome’, ‘perfect’, that they are saying it for a reason and not just a meaningless comment. And after all of that, I learnt that I spent so long trying to impress other people, live up to other people and clone myself into what I thought was perfect, instead of appreciating what I had and what I was and there were people out there that appreciated it too. I didn’t have to impress anyone other than myself and to do that, you have to enjoy just being you.
So how do I get over my confidence issues?
1. Accept yourself
2. Understand that people around you aren’t as bothered as you are
3. Change your perception
4. Challenge negative thoughts… and challenge yourself
5. Make fun of yourself (a personal favourite of mine)
6. Love you and everything about you
Self confidence can take years to control or get over, but challenging yourself can make the process faster! I feel like I’ve completely babbled on in this post, but I’m hoping 2016 can help me turn those insecurities upside down.